Who would win?

Perm vs. Cooper vs. Evan

Don't worry folks the kid is back and with one fine triple threat match in this installment of Who Would Win? If you don't know who these colorful characters are, chances are you have read some of their material. I've taken 3 of our bloggers and pinned them against each other in combat to the death!!!!!!!


First, lets evaluate our contestents. Perm (aka stansmith) has the clear cut edge in pure strength. They say hes lost a step or two, but I wouldn't be surprised to see some fire works. Evan has the body of a Brazilian cage fighter. His endurance is unmatched in this contest as well as pure speed. However, I can't see him as much of a puncher or grapler for that matter. But, he can kick like a mofo. Cooper........well......yea....hes Cooper. He gets pissed, is easily injured, and has a flair for the dramatic.

So to spice things up we're gonna make this a straight up WWF Hell in a Cell match meaning noone gets in and noone gets out. To start the match, Cooper would take two steps, stub his toe, and roll around on the ground like he just got shot. This causes Perm and Evan to point and laugh and focus on each other knowing they don't have to worry about Cooper. Evan beings to run in cirlces, hopping to confuse and tire Perm. However, the big guy has played Metal Gear one too many times to be outsmarted, so he just chills until Evan gets dizzy. This is when he strikes, POW! Right in the kisser. Evan lays lifeless on the ground. Perm then climbs to the top rope, channels his inner nija turtle and yells KOWABUNGA!!! as he drives his massive frame on to Evan. Lights out for"eguarino" as Perm breaks into the potato dance in celebration. But not for too long as Cooper staggers to his feet!!

He charges, but Perm pushes him to the side like a child's play thing. Coop gets pissed. In a rage he continuously lunges at Perm, who is laughing hysterically at the now completely red-faced Coper. In one final lunge, he completely misses and lands out of the ring. Perm follows him, However, he didn't see the one X-factor that will give Cooper the match. Hidding under the ring was his mom, marie who tossed Cooper a rolling pin and some cookies. He sneakily throws the cookies in the ring. Perm sees them, to which he comments, "OOO A PIECE OF CANDY!" While he feasts Coop sneak up from behind and prepares his strike......but manages to miss, slip, fall, and break his neck. This causes Perm to laugh once again. However, he didn't chew his cookies well enough, so he chokes. When the dust clears, the once thought to be dead Evan staggers to his feet and has his broken arm raised in victory. He then yells out in a tribute to Rocky, YO SUCKABITCH! I DID IT!!!


The moral of the story. No matter how bad Cooper fucks up, it will always effect Perm.