Half-Assed AL East Weekly Recap

So basically I'm only posting this to let people know I still exist. Finals blow. I've been busy as all hell. And to be quite honest I haven't had much of a chance to keep a close eye on baseball with the playoffs going on. So here it is...ready...don't blink cuz this shit is going to be faster than a kid from Evan's blog the first time he has sex.

AL East Weekly Recap

So for those of you who forgot, baseball season is in full swing. I know no one gives a shit due to the way the C's and B's have been playing whether it be a dominating series sweep or a heart-pounding, 7 game sudden death OT thriller. HOWEVER, the weather is finally getting nice out, my first softball game of the season is Sunday, and its getting time for the boys of summer to take center stage.....well as soon as the playoffs are done.

Cooper Music

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE Sucka Bitch Montreal.

What Really Grinds My Gears: 95% of Sports-Realted Facebook Statuses

So I know I haven't been pissed off in a while, but Evan's recent comeback has inspired me to get back on the horse. So many of you may have noticed that 95% of people's FB statuses these days encourperate either the Bruins or the Celtics. Oh hey why not! Playoffs baby! Only problem, I'm pretty sure most of these people wouldn't know a puck or basketball if it hit them in the ass. Take for instance the random girl post: Bruuiiinsssssssss ; ) <3333333. Really? Since when do you watch hockey? I'm pretty sure chances are if its Sunday night you're gonna be watching E!'s wonderful line-up of high quality programing (sarcasm Dan) over the game.

A Tribute: Secondini Feild at Club Stadium

So, for those of you who are unfamiliar with these hallowed grounds, we are essentially talking about the Yankee Stadium of backyard sporting venues. Founded in the Summer of 1997 by two brothers with a lot of time on their hands, this little piece of heaven saw some of the greatest battles of backyard sports that any field will know.

AL East Weekly Recap

Chalk Another One up for the Green Team

Yeaaaaaaaaa buddy!! You can put your kids to bed. Its over. Amare is down. Billups is dead. And Carmelo checked his pants after the game and realized he was supposed to be in the WNBA this whole time. Bring on baby Bron Bron.

Ray Allen Biaaaatchhhhhhhhhhh!

And that's how you make a game 1 statement! Down 12 at half, get the ball to Jesus!!!! Suck on that shit Spike Lee. Just how you wrote it. Big State what what!!

LOJOG Poll

Don't worry this isn't a post giving all of you what my picks are for the NCAA Tourney.... and yes if you must know my bracket is already fucked...thanks a lot Louisville. Anywho I thought it would be fun to create a poll ranking all of the bloggers on this site. For the sake of it just turning into everyone saying my posts suck, I'm making myself ineligible for committing NCAA violations. So lets see how this goes over, who takes it personal, and who comes out on top.

Who would win?

Santa Claus VS Phil Margera VS Bob Vila

So due to that fact that hes been doing some electrical work on my house, I've decided to theme this who would win after Rob's dad. Over the years one of the great mysteries of our time has been trying to figure out which one of these three guys he looks the most like. All of which are special and bring joy in their own way.

What Really Grinds My Gears: The Obama Brackett

I don't even know where to get started on this one. It literally sums up whats wrong with America. With all of the problems going on in this country, this guy has time to sit on his ass and film a braketology session with ESPN. I get it, hes the hip, cool, new-era president who watches college hoops. But why do I give a flying fuck about how this guy does in his White House Pool??? Like Does he wake up and think to himself hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm solve financial crisisssss orrrrr fill out bracket?? Yeaaa bracket time! That crisis isn't going anywhere!

What Really Grinds My Gears: People Who Do 65 in the Left Lane

Now, I do not consider myself to be someone with a lead foot. Sure I go over the speed limit, but I try to keep myself somewhere around 70-75. I learned my lesson a few years ago getting bagged with a speeding ticket up in NH. Fucking speed traps.... Anyways, I can not stand it when someone thinks its socially acceptable to go 65 in the left lane. Like, its a fucking known fact that the left lane is used for speeding. Cops know, drivers know it, so why don't you??? Its whole design was to enable faster drivers to pass fucks like you that can't get out of their own way.

Who would win?

NATTY ICE vs KEYSTONE LIGHT vs BUSCH LIGHT

OK so in this rendition we have a throw down between 3 of the most popular cheap, college, pound until you fall flat on your face beers. Perm, you'll have to excuse my not including the High Life, but it would just be way to clear of a winner.So because beer cans can't really fight each other, we'll have to determine this winner based on the general crowd that I perceive to be drinking each beer coupled with the quality of some of their advertisements.

What Really Grinds My Gears: Rhode Island

Ya i'm sure this is gonna piss off all 5 people that can fit in this state at once but oh well. Where do I even start with this place? OK how about they can't decide if the want to be Mass or NY? Like you even managed to horribly mash the two accents into something that sounds like Cooper when hes in uber pissed mode. They have no professional sports teams and no D1 colleges worth noting. Sorry, Providence doesn't count.

Who would win?

Perm vs. Cooper vs. Evan

Don't worry folks the kid is back and with one fine triple threat match in this installment of Who Would Win? If you don't know who these colorful characters are, chances are you have read some of their material. I've taken 3 of our bloggers and pinned them against each other in combat to the death!!!!!!!

What Really Grinds My Gears: People Who Neglect Their Crying Child While On An Airplane

Holla and vaya con dios bitches! I'm here south of the border in Florida giving you all a special edition of the gears.

So today on my flight I had an amazing urge to punch the lady next to me in the face. Her kid would not stop yelling, crying, and kicking...yet she just sat there like a ra-tard. Now, I dont blame the kid here, its just a kid, they don't know any better. As far as Im concerned, if they're not trying to get a away with stupid shit like that, you should probably see if someone will trade kids with you. This is where the parent is supposed to actually parent their child.

Who would win?

GANNICUS vs. SPARTACUS

Jupiter's cock!!!!!!!! What a fucking matchup. The prides of the house of Batiatus squared off in the sands of the areana! Glory to Capua!! Glory to Rome!! The Original Champion of Capua pinned against The Bringer of Rain in a no holds bard fight to the death!!!

What Really Grinds My Gears: Herpes

You have herpes!!!???? No you fucks I don't have herpes...but they're a bitch. Most bad things in this world can be traced back to herpes. Take poor Delonte West for example. Guy just was just trying to get it in with a fine ass woman. He never thought that he could actually replace LeBron's real dad, but he wanted to be his friend and someone that he could go to when he needed advice. But nope, his mom was all ewwwwwwww herpeeeesssss. And now look. Without a real father figure in his life LeBron is already making poor "descisions." (get it?)

Who would win?

CHARLIE SHEEN VS EMILIO ESTAVEZ

So I'm trying out a new series in which we examine who would win in a fight between two icons. I'm kicking off this week with the Sheen Theme, pinning two legendary brothers against each other.

What Really Grinds My Gears: People Telling Me What Grinds My Gears

Look, I really appreciate everyone's interest in the gears. I mean, its pretty much neck and neck between this and suckabitch's high 5 low 5 for the best re-occurring posts on the blog (get it because they're the only two). But, the gears is about what annoys ME. Not you, not you, not you, not her, not Charlie Sheen, not Rick James, not Mr. Papagorgio, and not Fadi from the 1st grade. It just wouldn't make sense for me to talk about what annoys everyone else. If I did that, it wouldn't be "What Really Grinds My Gears", it would be "What May or May Not Grind the Gears of the General Population".