Angry Cooper Rants: Table Tap Bans

If there's two things I enjoy in this world, it would probably be beer and friends. I'm sure this is going to end up with a joke from thedirtydogg about my choice in sexual orientation, but honestly, who wants to deal with all the drama and the flirting and the hlguahlgauhglhag now I'm off topic.

Why yes, I have said this before.

Caught myself there. Anways, I'm sure I'm the only person who's ever said this, but if you like two things, why not combine them? No, I'm not talking about making beer out of my friends (although at some point this summer I'm homebrewing and it's going to be called CoopBeer or something terrible and awful with a pun in the name.) I'm not a mad scientist like that. HOWEVER, I do like to drink beer with my friends. And occassionally, it would be quite a lot of beer. Now usually, some combination of Perm being a hermit and none of us ever having enough money to make it rain in the cluuuub and DD'ing and early last calls and a dumb T schedule and (did i mention it's really effing expensive to drink in boston?) a bunch of other things leads us to stay "in".

Okay, that was the worst 2 opening paragraphs ever. Just hit the read more button.

That's not the point. When we do go out, we all pretty much drink the cheapest beer on the menu and get pitchers all over the place. This is unless we are at the Sunset Grill and Tap in Allston which is awesome. (Cue someone saying that all I ever want to go is go there). I'm sure there's some sort of economics about buying in mass quantity for consumption, but I'm not an economics major even if I did take one class and thought that I was better than 90% of the students and it's a dumb major errrrrr I'm off topic again.

Pictured: Econ majors

I promise this is the paragraph where I start getting to the point. So in the chance that we do all go out, say after a BU game and it's cold and snowy and we want pizza and beer and, generally be sports fans, college grads and guys at the same time AND we all happen to want the same cheap beer I tend to suggest a table tap (also interchangeable with a beer tower) over pitchers if they are available.

Not a bong

I mean, how can you go wrong. Not only is it cheaper than pitchers (per beer) and probably the closest in price to cracking a box o beerz between a group, but i mean, it's basically the new scorpion bowl. Like give me 2 groups of guys and 2 beer towers and let's race to the bottom. Ring the bell mothereffers I'm ready.

Ding Ding, Alcoholism!

So look back up two paragraphs where I mentioned the BU game. That happened. I mean, lemme get some dudes and grab some overpriced buff chick pizza across from the Agganis arena. First thing I see when i open the door, OH SNAP THEY HAVE table taps

...or apparently not.

MOAR RAGEFACE MEMES

Their excuse at the time was about as bad as any excuse I make up. I think it was "we're out" or "it's late" or "you guys look like bums" or "why does evan look like a jew?" Anyways. I mean a GUESS sprite is good with thin crust pizza but the whole experience left a bad taste in my mouth.

Should get this tatooed on the back of my hand.

So not that I've been looking too hard lately, but I really haven't seen too many table taps outside of Sunset Grill, but thanks to the reporting of Mr. Rmed I get this article on my facebook page. The "Too Long, Didn't Read" version (tl;dr) is this. Two bars got cited for distributing beer towers on St. Patricks day without a proper license. They got cited because it "violates the 2 drink per customer" rule. Basically they gave 4 drinks per person when they gave 120 or some odd number of ounces of beer to 2 people. So a few things. One, you apparently need a permit to have these. I wonder how much of a pain in the arse it is to open a bar. Next thing you're going to tell me they need a permit to have a pool table. The hell? Boy, thats how you're going to cut down on those illegal snooker games.

Yeeaaah Seeee I'm running this racket in here and these coppers can't do a thing about it. Also apparently Charlie Sheen is in on the racket.

Where was I, oh right. THIS WAS ON ST. PATRICKS DAY. I think this is the second time I've posted in a blog about this but, step your game up BPD. Like any other day of the year I'd have been at least ok about this. But this is BOSTON we're talking about. For god's sake we have a TEAM CALLED THE CELTICS. Blah Blah Blah it just seems unfair.

One other random point. I love how they can get on your case about this, but I can (most likely) go to a bar and order 5 beers and say I'm buying a round and point to a group of random people. I get that the taps are for a TABLE, but I've never had a problem grabbing a round.

Another futurama reference!

So apparently they just need to ask permission to get to use them, but knowing most things it's going to involve back alley bribery and permits to get it done. A salute to you, barowners, for going through the necessary steps to support all of our drinking habits. ... but you get a middle finger for charging so damn much for a social drinking atmosphere.

Colbert took my idea.

I guess what I'm really saying is "Who wants to go to Sunset this weekend and grab a tower?"

I'm going to be a dirty hooker here like Evan and tell you to read my last Angry Cooper Rant on BBM if you already haven't. There's also my first one about the intertubes.