Angry Cooper Rants: Concerts (Again)

I'M BAAAAAAACK. In an effort to revive this blog we've come back with a new outlook on how to post, when to post, and what to post. Logically most of this background discussion and the little break we took was directed at making sure I'm not posting stupid stuff 20 times a day. Have no fear though, I'm still angry. And according to the people whom I drank with this weekend I keep ranting.

So I might have done something like this before but I happened to go to a concert last weekend and Evan's been pressuring me to get something done by Wednesday. So here we go, ten things that bother me about concerts.

First off, the loud concert. (Notable offenders: Every rock band ever)

piss off

Angry Cooper Rants: Why are concerts so damn expensive?

Although it might not appear it at this time, it is the end of May. You know what this means...

Paging Jay Belsito
...well, yes, that.

...and well yes, this too. (horray)
And because my filter is on today while I'm at work, yes, ladies outfits become smaller.

But I'm past the point here.
I'm going to assume at this point that you've read the title. So yeah.
Jump jump jump for the rest of the post

People who are doing it RIGHT: Double SHOT

Good morning readers, since it would appear that nobody is getting ANY work done today and my morning radio stream is broken, you get a double feature of people who are doing things with alcohol to help out the world. And since i'm being incredibly lazy, here's a teaser of the headlines so we get more pageviews....since ours almost halved last month and I'm shameless.
I actually considered the name doubleshot for my cover band

---From the Dept. of Weird: Even Colder Coors
---Scotland toasts new whisky-powered bioenergy plant

Angry Cooper Rants: Now that we've solved the terrorist problem....

...can we please have SETI back?

For those of you who aren't aware (read: everyone). SETI means the "Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence." Ostensibly it's a huge bunch of nerds with giant satellite dishes trying to lesten for communiques, transmisions, anything out of the ordinary from space.

Obviously there's cable

Here's the deal. They only need five million dollars. Over TWO years. For those of you playing at home, that's almost equal to the cost of ONE predator missile. ONE. Between 2007-8 we fired 244. Just in the middle east. (damn right I did 15 seconds worth of research)

Angry Cooper Rants: Student Loans PSA

Ah yes, the scourge of the college grad. Since our demographic is basically graduates of higher instiutions, people who get misled in google search, and some people in Germany (Rammsetin ist genial, Entschuldigen Sie mein Deutsch), I'm going to appeal to the former this morning (I'll do Rammstein in a CooperMusic later).

In today's "Who got funding to do this study"..... Is Headbanging Dangerous?

So if you were to take a snapshot of my typical 7-4pm workday, you would assume that my day basically consists of science and music. Shocker. And to poorly quote one of my other articles "why not combine them?" After all, there's got to be somebody who is willing to pay me to do science on music... right?Well apparently somebody already beat me to it. Either this is the fakest study ever, or quite possibly the funniest. It even sounds like I wrote the title...

"Head and neck injury risks in heavy metal: head bangers stuck between rock and a hard bass"

I'm going to break it down (LOL OBVIOUS PUN LOL), but you're going to have to click the "read more" button so I can feel good about myself when I look at the pageviews. (Editor's note: this is actually kind of long, for once) (also caution: light profanity)

In the most misleading article title ever "Can alcohol help the brain remember?"

I legitimately was excited when I clicked this link.

"Oh man, Evan brought the heat last night. We got people on the `Best Coast` retweeting, a spike in reads. I need this article to be a winner."

Charlie Sheen is still popular, right? Guys?

Now it's not like we need a reason to drink (since the Sox are the worst in the league, double playoffs and the fact that it's finally nice outside,) but who doesn't want to think and tell people that they're actually getting SMARTER while they're getting crunk in the cluuuub.

Or an excuse to post a picture of drunk Eli

The common belief is that the increase in the amount of the alcohol intake increases the amount of brain cells um, lost. Clearly I have never seen any epsiodes of Cheers but it seems like a good excuse to relate this quote. (and in what's called a professional teaser, you have to go behind the cut.)

Angry Cooper Rants: Table Tap Bans

If there's two things I enjoy in this world, it would probably be beer and friends. I'm sure this is going to end up with a joke from thedirtydogg about my choice in sexual orientation, but honestly, who wants to deal with all the drama and the flirting and the hlguahlgauhglhag now I'm off topic.

Why yes, I have said this before.

Caught myself there. Anways, I'm sure I'm the only person who's ever said this, but if you like two things, why not combine them? No, I'm not talking about making beer out of my friends (although at some point this summer I'm homebrewing and it's going to be called CoopBeer or something terrible and awful with a pun in the name.) I'm not a mad scientist like that. HOWEVER, I do like to drink beer with my friends. And occassionally, it would be quite a lot of beer. Now usually, some combination of Perm being a hermit and none of us ever having enough money to make it rain in the cluuuub and DD'ing and early last calls and a dumb T schedule and (did i mention it's really effing expensive to drink in boston?) a bunch of other things leads us to stay "in".

Okay, that was the worst 2 opening paragraphs ever. Just hit the read more button.

Angry Cooper Rants: BBM

So I'm going to assume for the sake of brevity, our statistics on where our hits are coming from (and you not reading a ton of rambling) that you've met me. By this, it means you know 2 things.

---I don't watch a lot of network TV

---You've made fun of me about my interactions with the opposite sex.

So within the last few weeks I've devised an evil plan. Some combination of joining a summer ice hockey league, it being nicer out (eventually), and the desire to look good in the cluuuuub has got me exercising.

Pictured: My summer plans

I believe that Mr. Guarino described my routine best as the "fat kid exercise" plan. In addition to running and a regular set time for general exercises, should I happen to be watching something on the television later (in last night's case the Bruins), every time there is a commercial break it is my obligation to perform 20 pushups and some combination of abdominal exercises. I'll save you the rest of plan that is sure to go wrong, but last night I stumbled upon a commercial that made me wtf.

Angry Cooper Rants: Limited Internet Access

Before we even get started, yes, I am blatantly ripping off Secondini's "grinds my gears" segment. However, you/we are all aware that when it comes to ranting and just being angry for no reason, I pretty much run this ship. Additionally, the original airing date for that family guy was 5/2006, and everyone's aware that I was angry far before that. BROTHER HOEYYYYYYYYY

Fuck that

Now that I've alienated everyone who didn't take AP Euro History at MC we can start.

People who are doing it right: Chad Ochocinco

Let me go on the record as saying that Chad Ochocinco is one of my top 5 favorite non-hometown athletes.

And apparently he is trying out for an MLS team.

THIS is what American Soccer needs. Not Becks, not Landon Donovan, it needs to OCHO.

Just talking massive smack and being feet taller than everyone on the field.

I mean, basically everyone only watched the goals in soccer... can you IMAGINE what he would do if he scored?

Now picture this on a soccer pitch. I mean, I might even call it football if he played.

First we have Zibby becoming a professional boxer and now the OCHO in soccer?

LOCKOUT! LOCKOUT!

EDIT: Some college dude just ran a sub 4 minute mile in the NCAA nationals. Madness.