Need Less: Charlie Sheen

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention? I've just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. And I need all of you to stop what you're doing and listen. Cannnnooonball!"

Just kidding. But seriously. My urgent announcement? I've decided on my regular blog column.

Has everyone calmed down already? Ok.

Every couple days I will tell you what the Land of the Free, the Home of the Brave - and sometimes the World in general - needs more or needs less of.

Let's cut to the chase. We could all use less Charlie Sheen. Originally I thought everyone was on this bandwagon with me, but apparently we lost a lot of good men out there. (And no - we weren't "playing for the Yankees.") Charlie Sheen's "Violent Torpedo of Truth" Tour has added even more dates (and one in Boston) because the first shows sold out in ticketmaster record time.

Charlie, if you're going to be truthful, allow me: Go home. Go back to Whatever Valley Ranch you live at and stay there. Without cameras. Without interviews. Without the general population. Leave us alone.

It started out funny and you produced a lot of good quotes. We all laughed and Sac wrote a blog. I was eating it up. But then you turned on us and tried to turn a profit. You wanted to cash in on everything that was funny. And you killed it. And you're killing yourself.

Sure, you should be able to do whatever you want - as some have argued. But all that means is that I can do what I want also. And I want people to realize that we shouldn't support this guy. (I'm even questioning if I should be writing this. Is it fueling the fire? Or are people starting to get pissed and will stop supporting Mr. Winning?)

What is this show even going to be about? Here's the description from ticketmaster:

"Will there be surprises? Will there be guests? Will there be mayhem? Will you ask questions? Will you laugh? Will you scream? Will you know the truth? WILL THERE BE MORE?!?!"

Will you just go home?

Why is this asking too much? If he can ask us for $109 $108 (with $1 being donated to Japan) to see his show, I can ask him to stay home. Just get your kids back Charlie. Or maybe don't. That might not be such a good idea either.

I'm just happy there isn't a sex tape...yet.

On a side note - what ever happened with the "celebrity" sex tape? We could definitely use less of those, and there have been far less recently. It used to be that all a celebrity had to do was put out a sex tape and they were the new thing. Now? They actually have to "work" by doing countless interviews, setting up Twitter accounts, and doing national tours that we have no idea what the fuck they are even about.

Too bad I just can't close my eyes and be cured of Charlie Sheen. In the words of Brendan Huff: Charlie Sheen, "Shut your mouth. Sh-sh-shut your mouth."