You will support the War on Terror (Jedi hand wave)...

A not so long time ago in a land far, far away...

...Or the U.S. Army will use Jedi Mind tricks on you. Seriously. You can't make this stuff up.

Gen. David Petraeus, the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, is expected to order an investigation into whether a special army unit trained in psychological operations (I can only assume this means using Jedi Mind tricks) tried to manipulate senators into committing more resources to the War on Terror. All of this is according to a report in "Rolling Stone" magazine.

Apparently these Jedi soldiers were ordered by Lt. Gen. William Caldwell to gather a boatload of information about senators and other lawmakers. They would then use this info to get what they wanted using their training.

Of course Caldwell's office denies the allegations, but who's buying that? If your unit is trained to use psychological tricks you're damned right you're going to use them every time you get a chance. Ok - those men in black suits who just walked in and looked at me all Men-In-Black style from down the hall? Totally changed my mind. The Army didn't do anything wrong. Nothing to see here. Keep it moving folks.