Angry Cooper Rants: Limited Internet Access

Before we even get started, yes, I am blatantly ripping off Secondini's "grinds my gears" segment. However, you/we are all aware that when it comes to ranting and just being angry for no reason, I pretty much run this ship. Additionally, the original airing date for that family guy was 5/2006, and everyone's aware that I was angry far before that. BROTHER HOEYYYYYYYYY

Fuck that

Now that I've alienated everyone who didn't take AP Euro History at MC we can start.



In case you haven't been reading lately, I haven't been around too much. Some combination of unemployment, MC hockey games and random internet sites giving me viruses and forcing me to spend 2 days running windows repair and virus scans all over the place sorta gets in the way of bloggin'. Also the Bruins failing miserably makes the 30 Second Recap sorta repetitive.

Now to the point; Unnecessary internet blocks.
Thanks to the magic of a staffing agent, I am currently employed again. Yay, hedonism! (once I start gettting paid).

You think I'd miss the opportunity for a futurama reference?

As expected, I am literally surrounded by nerds, and not in the "pretty-nerdy-but-still-social" way that I am. Come at me bro (Yankee). We are talking about a whole COMPANY of people who talk about their experiments at lunch and don't take the full lunch. Side note for another topic, we get an hour lunch. WHO TAKES 20 MINUTES EVERY DAY. What could POSSIBLY BE THAT IMPORTANT.

SO basically I'm surrounded by people who are far smarter and much less functionally social than I am. Needless to say, when I (finally) got a computer at work, the first thing I do is check to see if I have any outside lifelines to people. Actually that's a blatant lie. Basically I want to make inappropriate jokes with Yank, check Barstool, facebook creep, and watch music and fails on youtube. Needless to say, facebook, youtube, and barstool are all either blocked or "restricted".

This is what I feel like when I open the internets

Basically I all have is twitter (@MindOverMattera) and gmail/gchat. But that's not the point. I'm doing friggin science all over the place here. Protecting the people and making sure certain materials aren't going to contain a large amount of cyclic hydrocarbon mutangens and other good stuff. Seriously I do it for the bitches. I'm doing this for the money and the resume' experience. The least you could do for me is let me have a cable to the outside world. I just want to look at attractive women and talk to people about these women. Also occasionally comment on statuses and make terrible puns all over the place. (did you SEE my twitter name?)

Throw me a frikkin BONE here

The certain shaving company I USED to work for was worth about 40 Billion (WITH A B). And this new (not shaving) company is only worth 2. One would assume this is largerly due to the fact that the former company basically only blocked porn. I hope you can see where my point is going.

How many business powerpoints has this been in? I wonder.

Let's make a hypothetical situation. You just rented an apartment with only limited knowledge. You know where it is, how much it costs, and you've been assured you're going to be a GREAT fit there. Note that you haven't seen the inside of this apartment. Whats the first thing you do when you get there? You EXPLORE it. Now it might not be as good as the one you were at, but you got evicted from there by some stupid British people. So you look around and you see that it's nice and resonably accmodating, but oh look, there's an adjacent apartment....with a peephole

It looks like there's a great spot to relax on the couch there's a big HDTV and a stocked bar. Oh yeah, and there's smokeshows in bikinis pillow fighting. And the worst part is you can only look through the crappy peephole. And look at that, one of the girls just lobbed a water balloon at the wall and now you can't see shiat.

Some Erin Andrews for your morning.

Thats what I feel like right now. As sac would say UBER PISSED. So basically i'm confined to reddit, blogging, twitter, and goddamn icanhascheezeburger.com

I WANT SOME INTERNETS. GIVE THEM TO ME.
I drive 40 minutes here and do science for basically 5 hours a day.

This might actually make me get a smartphone just so I can get a lifeline.
Topic for another day. Isn't this basically net neutrality? Oh, maybe I can search this on google. Hopefully that won't be blocked.

HURRRRRRRR

Ok. I think I'm done here for this morning. I would link this on facebook, but that shit's blocked. Hey, other bloggers, post this on facebook. God knows with all the posts on facebook I'm not seeing you could probably link this with the title COOPER'S A RETARD LOL. Go ahead. I probably won't even see it. Get all those "likes".

I want this shirt (shirt.woot.com)

Yeah, you know you all get off on those likes. I'M NOT MAD.

I'll just be here

With my smartphone... and an Etrade app..... but not really