People who are doing it RIGHT: Double SHOT

Good morning readers, since it would appear that nobody is getting ANY work done today and my morning radio stream is broken, you get a double feature of people who are doing things with alcohol to help out the world. And since i'm being incredibly lazy, here's a teaser of the headlines so we get more pageviews....since ours almost halved last month and I'm shameless.
I actually considered the name doubleshot for my cover band

---From the Dept. of Weird: Even Colder Coors
---Scotland toasts new whisky-powered bioenergy plant

PART 1

We are going to start off here with a poorly made joke, as always.

Never go full two stage cold activation

Coors is apparently trying to 1 up Bud Light's new doodle pad on the bottle thing (that is really the worst idea ever. Seriously, Evan, can we get a low five of worst beer ideas ever? Actually I might do that. Don't steal my ideas bro.)

So while they already have "cold activation" they're putting in a SECOND bar to tell you when it's "at the peak of refreshement." More likely than not, it's the temperature at which it's cold enough so that your mouth numbs and you forget you're actually drinking crappy beer.

For reference, yes, I did make a hollowed out bat for drinking and yes, it was the best thing ever.

Presumably, this will lead to contests to determine who can chill their beer the fastest. Good thing I watched that mythbusters episode.

-Get me a fire extinguisher, a bunch of salt, some ice, a fishtank, and gallons of water. C'mon skippy!
-Cooper!.... Cooper...... AWWW HERE IT GOES

Also presumably, this will lead to people leaving a ton of beer in their fridge, which you all know leads to this...

Fark that so much
Obviously expect a huge marketing campaign for this, and unconfirmed reports have Ice Cube and Ice T staring surly at each other for 30 seconds to promote it.



PART 2

Scotland, apparently tired of being referred to a solely a nation of "useless drunks" is attempting to change it to "high functioning alcoholics." If you hit the link to the article, there's a lot of technical mumbo jumbo that boils down to this. The excess and waste grains from the whisk(e)y process will be burned with woodchips to produce the energy of 2 large wind turbines. That, and whatever is left over will be ground up and used as fertilizer.

The erf, it must be drunk
And because I have nothing else really to say other than "cheers to that" here's a tangentially related family guy

My money's on the fat one