Angry Cooper Rants: Concerts (Again)

I'M BAAAAAAACK. In an effort to revive this blog we've come back with a new outlook on how to post, when to post, and what to post. Logically most of this background discussion and the little break we took was directed at making sure I'm not posting stupid stuff 20 times a day. Have no fear though, I'm still angry. And according to the people whom I drank with this weekend I keep ranting.

So I might have done something like this before but I happened to go to a concert last weekend and Evan's been pressuring me to get something done by Wednesday. So here we go, ten things that bother me about concerts.

First off, the loud concert. (Notable offenders: Every rock band ever)

piss off

It's Tuesday afternoon and my ears are still ringing. Go ahead, come at me, call me a bitch. But I mean, I don't want to have to use hearing protection to go to a show. There's definitely a reasonable volume for everyone. Just because your lead guitarist is a pretentious douche and needs to be three times louder than everybody is not an excuse.

This of course made worse if your singer is also playing guitar.

Just make his stage monitor loud and then mix the rest of the speakers normally. You're a sound man for a venue, your job is to make it so that everyone can hear the show well. While I admire your effort every night in working for the band, making everything as loud as possible is just effing annoying. There's other people in the band, you know. I want to hear some subtleties in playing instead of a constant stream of distorted crunch coming at my face for 3 hours.

Speaking of three hours, the late starter is next on the list. (Notable offenders: Electronic Music)

Yet again, call me old or something; but sometimes I actually want to do something after the show. Or for that matter, I don't want to have to take a cab home or drive because you ran long and the T shut down, or it's 1am and I need to drive home from Worcester. I want to go to the show, have a good time, drink a few beers and enjoy myself. I can't do all of these things if I constantly have to worry about finding a cab or skipping the last few songs.

For fucks sake, Ferry Corsten started his set at 11pm.
On a Tuesday night.

Pretentious?

I shouldn't have to take a day off of work because you were busy smoking pot and dropping Vicodins all afternoon. I don't want to pay for a ticket and then the same amount for a cab ride home. Get over your hangover. Grab some dinner. Get the eff on stage and play. I'm not paying you by the hour.


Oh yes, paying. I've gone off about this before (LINK). 3. Ticket Prices (Notable offenders: Every popular band)



I get it. You're a big deal. You're cashing in on your 5 months of fame from that one single off that one album. I get it. You make most of your money by selling out shows because record labels want all the monies. However, eff you very much for charging me a whole day's salary to go to your stupid show. That's it. I'm done. No more witty comments. NEXT.

Oh, back to that "shut up and play statement from earlier. 4. The opener's opener (Notable offenders: smaller shows, festivals)

I get it too. You're a small band looking to make it bigger by riding the coat tails of a bigger band. You know people aren't going to the show to see you. Pay your dues though and maybe you'll hit it big with the right crowd. But this only works for one or two bands. I'm not going to a show where I have to wait 2 hours before the break before the headliner starts. Or rather, at least tell me these things ahead of time. Put it on the ticket, or tell me somehow that the headliner isn't going on until 10. No offense.

So HOW many bands do i have to sit through to see Zeppelin, Tull and Jeff Beck?

I don't have a witty transition here from that to this. 5. Bands with Baggage. (Notable offenders: Rise Against, Hippies)

I must have said this like 15 times at this point. I go to concerts to have a good time. Baggage is anything that gets in the way of me enjoying the music. The girl who comes up to you and asks you to sign some PETA petition? Real effing annoying. I don't care how much of an earthy crunchy slut you are.

THAT'S A TERRIBLE PUN

Even worse if it's during the actual show. I will throw you in a mosh pit. I'm not joking. Same to you, band with an upside down American flag saying that Amuurica is dead. Go be a political douche somewhere else. If politics isn't a huge part your music (hint: if you aren't rage against the machine it's not) play your music, rock out, and shut up. You're some bum with a guitar yelling on stage. At best you've got a BA in some throwaway major. I can bet it's not poli-sci and you're just angsty about something. You gonna run the country better with your acoustic guitar and edgy lyrics? No. Shut up.

I know I said 10 things, but if you made it to the end, an imaginary Coopoint to you. I'll post the other 5 after I write them later.