Who would win?

NATTY ICE vs KEYSTONE LIGHT vs BUSCH LIGHT

OK so in this rendition we have a throw down between 3 of the most popular cheap, college, pound until you fall flat on your face beers. Perm, you'll have to excuse my not including the High Life, but it would just be way to clear of a winner.So because beer cans can't really fight each other, we'll have to determine this winner based on the general crowd that I perceive to be drinking each beer coupled with the quality of some of their advertisements.

3 Second Bruins Recap

Way to go 7-0 on that roadtrip. Way to have a 2-0 lead last night.

Weekly Salute

This weekly salute goes out to a father hell bent on the type of revenge only seen in movies...

(Warning! the contents of this blog are pretty fucked up.)

Heres the rundown. In 1975, Michael Woodmansee stabbed to death his neighbors 5 year old son. He then canibalized his body and lackered the bones. He kept those bones in his bedroom for 7 years before being caught. He was caught while attempting to strangle a local 13 year old paper boy. Needless to say this guy is a fucking freak. Who the fuck does this sort of thing. Well Michael Woodmansee does. Well aparently in RI this crime gets you 40 years. Yea thats right 40 years. Well aparently with good behavior that brings him down to 28 years... Yea thats right, He is scheduled to be released in august. So hide your kids, hide your wife, hide everybody....

I would encourage you to hide from this crazy fuck, but it seems America has a hero after all. John Foreman. The boys father, has now vowed that if Michael Woodmansee is let out of prison, he will kill him. Obviously any father would have these thoughts, many may have acted on them, but this is story is unique. John Foreman went on a popular radio show and announced it to the whole world. Epic. Hopefully this public act wont deter our "amazing" justice system from letting him out. Im serious, let this sicko out. Let him out and give this father a chance to get some true justice. Dont serve him up on a platter, just let him out as you would anyone else who... kills children... Yea anyways, let him out and give this father a chance. And dont you try to be a hero reader. Dont go out and try to get this guy, leave it to the father. (unless the father fucks it up, i mean he must be getting kind of old, yea we may need a back up plan...)

So I salute you John Foreman. Do what needs to be done.

What Really Grinds My Gears: Rhode Island

Ya i'm sure this is gonna piss off all 5 people that can fit in this state at once but oh well. Where do I even start with this place? OK how about they can't decide if the want to be Mass or NY? Like you even managed to horribly mash the two accents into something that sounds like Cooper when hes in uber pissed mode. They have no professional sports teams and no D1 colleges worth noting. Sorry, Providence doesn't count.

high five: who the hell discovered this great food?

Now that it is Lent, I have to brush up on the few dietary laws of the Catholic church. They make zero sense and, as I was discussing with a friend, are clearly the end result of Jesus' efforts to stir up business for his fishing industry. I mean, how is fish not a meat? It is the flesh of an animal that we consume for protein. But because it lives in water, we can eat it on the Fridays leading up to Easter? Whatever, at least we don't have to learn all that kosher business. All these rules got me thinking about food, and the most delicious things that probably shouldn't have been discovered as edible.


#5 - Potatoes

"Guys, look what I found. Should we
try to eat it?"

Gotta love the Peruvian natives who decided to pull these brown lumps of dinosaur shit out of the ground and figure out a way to eat them. Raw potatoes are pretty terrible, and can contain toxins that give you diarrhea and cramps, or even a coma and death. But the most off-putting part is that they are basically Mother Nature's blackheads; no one wants them, they grow beneath the surface, and they're ugly. I don't trust things that grow under earth's surface. If it was meant to be eaten we would be able to see it.

Vegetables need to take a lesson from fruits. Fruits are brightly colored and sweet and grow in plain sight; vegetables are bitter and ugly and hard to see. And in the case of the potato, you can't just pull it out of the ground and bite into it (unless you like the horrid taste of raw potato). But once you crack the potato code and learn how to make french fries, it's game over. Suddenly, potatoes are a staple of the American diet. They are a symbol of freedom and capitalism. And if the drunken Irish farmers hadn't completely focused their food supply around the potato (instead of, oh I don't know, fish? Ireland, you are an island!) and been forced to move to America during the blight, we wouldn't have the Celtics, the Dopkick Murphys, or Conan O'Brien. All thanks to someone trying to eat a potato.

Drinks like a champ, doesn't write a thing, must be my first IMPRESSED! Slut #5

Nicely done big tit slut, there isn’t really anything else I need to say, is there? But, if you want to read why I would marry this gorgeous woman even though you can’t see her face then read on!

Wow, I want to meet this slut so bad. Tits that can feed me jello shots? Are you kidding me? If she was meant to do anything in life it was to take pictures of her beautiful titties, and post this for men to hate thier girlfriend. What a bitch! Face it, your girl will never do this or even be capable of doing this. What else do you need from a woman? Vodka, getting drunk and tits= sex. She does it all, in this one simple picture she tells me she has what it takes to be the love of my life. If anyone knows who she is, please tell me! IMPRESSED!!!

30 Second Bruins Recap

Editors note: Drove to both rinks yesterday and both have ice around the boards and in the corners. Also I need to play hockey REAL bad. Lets get on this.

So according to yahoo (where i've been getting my photos) there were four photos last night.
Yes, I know ESPN has photos but they don't hotlink and therefore suck, and TSN has no photos, and honestly I'm pretty sure the post of mine that has the most page views has like 5....so who really cares.

(in case anyone has been ACTUALLY reading these, i've been busy lately and not able to watch the whole game. And i really didn't get to sit down and watch the whole thing last night.)

It's the Sabres. They could have 0 wins all year and they would still play the Bruins hard. That's how the conference works.

Where will the cast of the Jersey Shore be in 10 years?

We've all heard the question at job interviews before: "Where will you be in 10 years?" Well while watching TV last night, I thought I'd help the cast come up with the answer to that all-important question. Because none of them have probably ever had a job interview before.

Wow. Why so hypocritical?

Someone did some great work and found this. Just click the link and watch. I can't even say anything more about this.

The same thing happened last year.

Who would win?

Perm vs. Cooper vs. Evan

Don't worry folks the kid is back and with one fine triple threat match in this installment of Who Would Win? If you don't know who these colorful characters are, chances are you have read some of their material. I've taken 3 of our bloggers and pinned them against each other in combat to the death!!!!!!!

30 Minute Bruins Recap: Dear Montreal, SHUT UP! (Rant Warning)

Ok this might be a little lengthier than Coop's 30 second Bruins recaps. You might finish it in 30 minutes or so.

We all know what happened in Tuesday night's game. The one thing everyone obviously agrees on is that Max Pacioretty hopefully will have a full recovery and be able to play hockey again. But that's where everyone seeing eye-to-eye ends.

I'm a Bruins fan, so this is going to be somewhat biased, but I also like to think that I can use some logic when looking at these types of situations. Apparently unlike Montreal fans. Maybe if Pacioretty hit Chara into the glass I'd want him to be suspended, maybe not. It's impossible to say, and while I might immediately be upset with everything, I think that over time when you review the replays and actually think about what happened, you calm down and approach the situation with reason. Hopefully.

Drinks like a bitch, writes like a bitch, must be slut #4

"Me and My friend jennifer went to my friends house and there was only 7 people there but about 6 of the 7 people was walking around drunk butt naked!(Jennifer stayed sober) Any ways to make a long story short Me Justin and Brandon had a three sum. In the middle of the three sum we were doin doggie on a chair and I fell off the chair FLAT on my face.
Later when me and Jennifer went home she asked me "Does It normaly feel weird after you have sex" I had no idea what she was talking about. Any ways that next morining she was going to the bathroom and all i heard was "WHAT THE HELL!?!?" hahah she found a used comdom in her Pussy Plus she was the only sober one there!!"



Somethings just off about this slut, maybe its her public drunken sex? I don't know, im just not impressed about the whole getting fucked like a dog in the middle of a party. I mean looking at this picture it seems like a great time, and clearly they must do this all the time so I guess thats cool, but I think I found a slut that is just too sluttly to even give a pass/fail or whatever the hell I do (pretty sure I just write random shit to make people laugh). I got the main idea of this post. Party, walking around naked, friend had sex and condom was stuck in her pussy, but I really wish she gave details. Tell me about the drinking games you played, tell me who Justin is! Tell me details slut! These things matter, clearly I am a little confused about this drunk slut story. I really want to say I'm Impressed! But she seems to be pornstar, which isn't a bad thing, just not as cool when it is a regularity for you. At the same time im not not impressed? I can't shit on her for fucking those doods, because she must be hot ( I mean just think about it, if you were to fuck some girl at the same time as your buddy she have to be amazing,right? Or all these people are addicted to sex and drugs). Seems like she is just having fun. Using what God gave her and all, no passing out, no throwing up or shitting on walls. So im stuck, just like she was between Justin and Brandon. So I have to say shes my first NEUTRAL! Which sounds really gay, but it has to be done. This slut really got in my head, maybe she will post again?

Indiana Jones…. The worst teacher ever!

Yea you heard me…. Professor Jones, you suck!
Before you get all upset…. I’m talking to you stansmith…. Who ironically is the inspiration for this post. (Remember when you got into a blog fight, and said “lets shit on Indy”…. Well here you go!)
Anyways…. Calm down people, I’m not saying that Indy isn’t a ladies’ man or a badass, just that he is a terrible teacher.

Let’s start with the fact the Indy is never in class. The potential of a new discovery arises, and he makes like a tree and gets out of there. How the hell did he get tenure, running off to all these different countries and adventures? Plus, it’s not like he takes the great things that he finds back with him and has proof of what he was doing.

Nerdity!: MST3K

Mystery Science Theater 3000 is:

Seriously. The. Best. Show. Of. All. Time.

No joke. Somebody buy a best of dvd of these guys for me and i will love you long time be very thankful.

This is just a clip. But if you can grab a full youtube of these guys (about an hour each) it's the best. Basically every satirical comment you've ever made during a movie was the basis for this show.

NETWORK EXECS BRING THIS BACK.

Do we need a translate button?

Seriously though.... who is reading our blog in the UK, Japan, RUSSIA!?

In Russia, you dont read blog, blog reads you!

Its nice to see that our blog has gone international, I want to appease our new crowd, i think we should get a translate button on our page.

PS thanks for being our constant Canada rep Alex

CooperMusic: Boston!

Four years ago today Brad Delp was found dead. For those of you who don't know, Brad Delp was the lead singer of Boston, the classic rock band from.... Boston. There's a memorial to him on the rocks on rt. 1 north. There's a whole biography, but basically, he was one of the best in the business. He had an absurd vocal range...



....and impressive hair.

low five: badvertisements

Is there anything worse in life than advertisements? It's the business-world equivalent of a cardboard beggar's sign, except far more sophisticated and impossible to escape. Take watching TV, for example. You sit down to enjoy your DVR'd Mad Men (oh, a show about advertising. Awesome!) so you can skip commercials. But you can't figure out who that character is on the screen until he starts talking about Gillette razors. Oh, cool, Gillette made their commercial look just like the TV show it's interrupting so I wouldn't fast forward through it. Bastards! Well, for every savvy marketing exec, there is someone responsible for the utter shit that is presented below.


#5 - Joe Camel cigarettes 

Camels - the playboys of
the animal kingdom

Aren’t ad campaigns supposed to show how a certain product will make you more attractive/healthier/better in general? Well Camel cigarettes must not have gotten the message because they decide to use one of the ugliest animals on earth to sell their death sticks. It’s not like camels are known for their sexual prowess or suaveness, so why make Joe a camel? His nose looks like what I imagine a squid penis would look like. And today, he probably has had a tracheotomy and his camel hump removed because it was malignant.

I can almost see how this campaign could succeed. The reader spends so much time trying to figure out what was going through the marketing coordinator’s mind when these atrocities were printed that the next time someone asks about cigarettes, Joe Camel will be the first thing to come to mind. The problem is, I’m pretty sure it’s not humanly possible to utter the words “Give me the pack with that cool camel in a tux doing all those manly things”. It’s just too shameful, the body just won’t allow it to happen.

Lion Blood!

Charlie Sheen may be on to something here. As much as his meltdown is starting to annoy me, a new King of the Jungle has been crowned.

Two days ago in a Turkish Zoo, a Tiger escaped from his cage and killed a Lion. With a single stroke of his paw. Down goes Frazier with a severed jugular vein.

Don't worry though - the Zoo is still safe to visit. Can't wait to get mauled.

Tech Tuesday: Pill Food

Holy Crap its already Tuesday.... and if Im being honest, it almost became Tech Thursday.


Let's complain about how we dont have food in pill form yet!

Adventures in Advertising: Capital One rips off the Hangover

Check out this video of a recent Capital One commercial about traveling to Vegas, baby!


Notice anything around the 9 second mark? Specifically ripping off a joke from one of the best comedies in recent memory? Sure asking, "Is Caesar home?" isn't exactly saying, "This isn't the real Caesar's Palace is it?...Did Caesar live here?" But it's as close as you can possibly get.