Back From the Dead: High Five Halloween Characters

Okay, here's the part 2 that I promised. Click here for part 1, in case you missed it. But now I'm ranking the best horror movie characters. And I'm defining 'best' as a character that I would genuinely be afraid of encountering in real life if they actually existed; plausibility gets no consideration. So without further ado...

#5 - Megan Fox in 'Jennifer's Body'

I think I could look past the whole
"I'm a demon trying to kill you" thing

Yep, it's an awful movie. There's no denying that fact. But if there actually was some demon-possessed girl that I went to school with or worked with, I'd be hard-pressed to stay away. Like, even if I saw her sprout fangs and dragon wings, I'd probably still ask her out. What can I say, I find goth girls kind of sexy. So even if I knew the risks, I'd probably be powerless to resist. The scariest part of the movie is probably the writing; it made me cringe more than any scene in the Saw franchise. I mean it's obvious the movie is built around Megan Fox being sexy and evil, but don't let the studio interns write the script.

The creepy thing is that demons could exist and actually possess people. Who says they can't? It's kind of like a religious thing, right? And no one has disproved God. Plus,  if a demon wanted to kill a lot of people, why wouldn't it take over a hot girl? People bend over backwards to help attractive girls, and line up to spend time with them (literally, that's what a line at a bar is for...). Basically, if I was a demon who wanted to cause misery to as many people as possible, I'd possess the most attractive girl I could find and just let people come to me. I'm on to you, demons. I got you allll figured out...

Back From the Dead: Low Five Halloween Characters

Halloween, what better day to bring this blog back from the dead? That's right, after a 5 month hiatus, the League is back. The Gentleman have done some discussing, and we hope to bring you better content on a routine basis. Round one was a good learning experience, but we definitely hit a wall, creatively, and couldn't keep the blistering pace we initially set. So we are going to pace ourselves now, and maybe we won't disappear for 5 month stretches.

Now that I've laid out our plan to pace ourselves, I have a SPECIAL TWO-PART HIGH/LOW FIVE. Yep, already breaking our own rules we just made. But it's a holiday, and I couldn't decide between doing best or worst horror movie characters, so I did both. Consider it my treat to you, no costume necessary. Up first, worst characters, meaning I'm completely unworried about encountering them in real life.


#5 - Michael Myers

How long did it take to get upstairs? 15 minutes?

It makes me mad to watch the 'Halloween' movies - how could anyone be killed by Michael Myers? He is literally the slowest thing I've ever seen move. Glaciers could escape from Myers. He should take over for those turtles in the Comcast high speed internet commercials.

And to top it all off, he kills people on Halloween. In his home town. Routinely. The people of Haddonfield are almost too stupid to function. Like, this murderer keeps killing people in your town on Halloween. And he's slow as shit. Why don't you figure out some legitimate plan to handle this situation? And when you think you've killed him, make sure of it; it's called the Double Tap and it worked for Jesse Eisenberg in Zombieland. When you assume you've killed Michael Myers, you make an ass of you and leave an opening for yet another sequel in this shitty franchise.

AHHHHH the annual penis inspection

Doesnt this just bring back all your memories of high school?

I know I haven't posted a ton lately...

....so here's a picture of me with Elvii

I'm the dude, playin the dude, disguised as another dude!

The same guy just happens to be in the Bud Light App and Hornitos Tequila Brotherly Love commercials. Yup, I noticed this at 2 in the morning last night. Watch both commercials below if you want.

That just happened

Could this be any more epic?

I'm going to pay Jack Edwards to give a locker room speech before my next game.

Lonely Island- Pirates of the Carribean

Morning News: Well at least this means we get time travel?

Angry Cooper Rants: Why are concerts so damn expensive?

Although it might not appear it at this time, it is the end of May. You know what this means...

Paging Jay Belsito
...well, yes, that.

...and well yes, this too. (horray)
And because my filter is on today while I'm at work, yes, ladies outfits become smaller.

But I'm past the point here.
I'm going to assume at this point that you've read the title. So yeah.
Jump jump jump for the rest of the post

In honor of the new "Pirates" movie, a rant about piracy

So Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is released this week. I've also been downloading a lot of music in my spare time since the PlayStation network has gone down, so now seems like an appropriate time to discuss piracy. Specifically the music and movie variety.

Without getting into too much of the whole right vs. wrong morality angle of the whole thing, I'm pretty much going to rant about how awful the music industry has handled this situation.

So downloading music illegally has been pretty mainstream since Napster. And before that people just used cassettes to record their favorite songs off of the radio. Not wanting to pay for music is nothing new, but technology has reached a point where it's never been easier to "steal" stuff. I mean, EVERYONE knows what an mp3 is.

Whenever a new development affects a particular industry, it's forced to adapt. That is, unless it's the music/movie industry when it comes to the whole piracy issue. Instead of saying, "People aren't going to stop, maybe we should find other ways to make profits. At least they're still interested in listening to our songs," they've basically said, "This is so fucking illegal. How can people get away with this? How about we sue the pants off of a few people who we'll randomly pick out of a hat to make an example of?"

That seems like a great strategy.

low five: osama bin laden, the ultimate hypocrite

Hey, did you guys hear the news? Some guy named Osama Bin Laden is dead! Yeah, I'm a little late on this blog post, but I have a legit excuse - I've been in Wisconsin all week for work.  And I would have done a post about this fine state, but there is so little activity here that I couldn't find 5 things, good or bad, to list about America's dairy state.

So instead I chose to finish this post about how hypocritical Bin Laden really is. If anyone in the Taliban could objectively look at this man, they would see how stupid it is to follow him. This guy is just some cave-hiding, attention-seeking bitch who's claim to fame is avoiding US secret ops for 10 years. Wow, impressive, it must be hard to avoid being found when you hide in remote deserts of the Middle East doing nothing...


#5 - declared a holy war, smoked marijuana against Muslim beliefs

How do you deal with munchies in a Palestinian cave?
I can't imagine goat cheese gets the job done...

So apparently Muslims must keep their bodies clean and pure. Stuff like alcohol is considered an intoxicant and is thus banned. Well, marijuana isn't explicitly considered "Haraam" (forbidden), but it is widely considered so by Islam scholars. So obviously, one would think that anyone declaring a HOLY war would be, oh I don't know, in good religious standing and refrain from getting high?

Apparently, while Bin Laden's terrorists were out seeking to destroy Western culture, their leader was chilling at home toking. Yup, the guy delivering orders in this so-called Jihad against the "heathen" Westerners. So yeah, you better do all you can to protect that Muslim holy land, but in the mean time, feel free to break all those religious rules. No big deal... President of Israel is probably eating a ham sandwich right now while he talks military strategy with American forces in Jerusalem, right? Wrong.

History Doesn't Act It's Age

Oh ya, remember when I posted this - Need More: Tyler Seguin. Haha what's that? You were right Rob? And pretty much everything you said still makes sense now? Oh, ok thanks guys.

Need Less: People living off the system

Ok so I've been working my big boy job for just over a year now (by 2 days!). And the one thing I've consistently noticed is how much my paychecks are lowered by "The Man" taking out taxes. Don't get me wrong, my monster tax return helped with this, but no one wants to see their money taken from them. Especially if it goes to people like Leroy Fick.

So since this 56 year old dude won the lottery, people are either going to be extremely happy or jealous, but I'm absolutely enraged. That's because despite the $2 million he won last year, he's still eligible for foodstamps! That's right! Myself, along with every other tax paying American, are indirectly paying for this man's groceries. Apparently there's some loophole that his winnings don't count as income (despite the fact that winners have to pay income taxes on their earnings!).

To make matters worse, there's this dude:

Yup, that's a real, adult man right there. And he's on welfare. Along with his "caretaker." Ignoring the fact that his fetish is right or wrong (it's totally fucked up by the way), it's absolutely absurd that he gets government assistance. For what reason? He builds furniture, so he's capable of being employed. And he even dresses normal in public, so he can function in society.

Enter Senator Tom Coburn who is my new hero (despite the fact that he's a Republican). He wants to take away this man's Social Security check. Now that this situation is finally getting some coverage, hopefully the right thing will happen.

Oh and what was this baby's reaction? “You wanna test how damn serious I am about leaving this world, screw with my check that pays for this apartment and food. Try it. See how serious I am. I don’t care,” the California man said. “I have no problem killing myself. Take away the last thing keeping me here, and see what happens. Next time you see me on the news, it will be me in a body bag.”

Hmmmmm. Ok! I didn't realize I signed up to basically pay "child" support for a perfectly capable adult male. Maybe he actually wants to kill himself from constantly watching Barney on PBS. Or because Glen Davis totally stole his nickname.

...and that grinds the shit outta my gears!

What a Novel Idea

The Real Tech Tuesday: Jetpacks

Where's My Jetpack? is a 2007 book that asks the obvious question "Where's my jetpack?" Boba Fett has one, and so does the Rocketeer—so why not the rest of us? If you're Yves Rossy, though the answer is "I gotcher jetpack right here."

Rossy, a former fighter pilot in the Swiss Air Force who goes by the name "Jetman," recently flew across the Grand Canyon, making him the envy of everyone who has wanted to fly without an airplane.

Like A Boss

Missing Jack Edwards?

Obviously the Bruins are still in the playoffs, but since the games are on Versus, there's no Jack. Well, here's some throwbacks to fulfill your appetite.

Morning News:

yeah, I'm going to lose my mind by friday if I don't do anything.

Morning News: Are we sure Nicki Minaj isn't dating Yankee?

hurr durr
Not content with making millions of dollars and being played on the radio every five minutes, Lady Gaga's evil rapping doppleganger wants to be played more in the cluuuuuuuub. Apparently unaware that local radio stations have nothing else to play BUT her songs (because they're being paid to), she's hoping that by cutting down on the amount of tracks that she colaborates on and "making the feaures really, really count" she can persuade DJ's to play her in the dance cluuuuuub. This, of course, has nothing to do AT ALL with her recent "dance collab" with David Guetta, something she has called "dope" and "her two favorite songs" (at least until her next song comes out).

"You know, my voice needs to be in the club and people need to be getting tipsy, and wasted and crazy and all those other things to a Nicki Minaj song in the club right now! I'm actually excited about both."

So what we're saying here is that you need to be drunk to listen to her music. At least SOMEBODY is being honest about how much Top 40 music sucks.